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Validate / Forgive / Release - VFR

The process through which we heal.


First we validate ourselves. Acknowledge the feelings we have, the anger is justified. The pain and sadness and sorrow and grief are real. Justified.


Cry, sob, hit the pillow, punch the bag, pound the pavement. Let that shit out.


Acknowledge that they hurt you. Acknowledge they took something from you - safety, security, trust, innocence, childhood, years, friends, family, joy and happiness.


Acknowledge that you let them. You let that happen. Yes, of course. But also acknowledge that you had to. That you were set up to live this. You were programmed by your abusers to respond this way. And so you must forgive yourself for doing the best that you could with the tools and programming you had at that time. Vow to protect yourself in the future, for now you know better, you are better equipped, you are stronger.


And now you can forgive them. For you can see that they too, are flawed. They, too, are in pain. They too, lack the proper tools. They did the best they could with what they had at their disposal. And so have sympathy and empathy for them. Common ground. Both of you were programmed. Both of you did your best. And you healed first. You saw it first. You stopped it. You set your boundary. You continue to hold it firm.


And so you can forgive them. Now that your boundary is set, you are secure. You are safe. And in safety you can let go of your pain and hurt and anger. Because it no longer serves you. It was there to garner your attention. Thank the pain for showing up to alert you. Let it go because it’s job is done.


The new you with a new perspective and new set of tools is taking charge. Empowered. Charging forward. Shedding the tears. Shedding the pain. Shedding the weight that you’ve carried, letting go of the burden. You weren’t meant to schlep it with you, you were meant to drop it down and climb up over it!

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